If Only Things Were Simpler
by TheatreBroadwayGirl
Summary: If only things were simpler... Maybe things wouldn't have turned out the way they did. Kaneki may be the closest to happiness with Hide. But as it is, ghoul and human relationships never seem to work out. ALSO AVALABLE ON AO3 AND WATTPAD


Hide moved in with me about 3 months before. Around the same time he found out I was a ghoul. The surprising thing was, he didn't react the way I thought he would. He found it to be "really cool".

Although Hide worked with CCG and I still was on my own as a ghoul, we never really ran into a problem. It probably helped me more because Hide would always to his best to make sure I'd be okay. We tended to always look after each other every night he worked and I was out.

Of course that's not all we did together. Whenever Hide was not going to classes, he would insist I leave our apartment once in while for little things. He promised if any trouble came about he would protect me, usually more like me protecting him. Us leaving the house would be to a bookstore or to get coffee.

Little things, but they were meaningful.

There was, for a few weeks though, when Hide was on his vacation time and it was mainly just me going out at night for "work". I hated leaving Hide, and I knew about how much he worried. Every time I came home though, he made me explain in full detail all that happened. I would try to amuse him and pantomime out whatever happened in my fight. Each time I would end saying "and of course I kicked his ass" which he would laugh and respond "That's my Kaneki".

Since Hide moved into my apartment so quickly, I never was able to get another futon for him. We always just shared one together.

The weeks Hide was home and I was out and came home, he would lie down holding me. Tighter than usually. Making sure to not let go at all during the night. It felt good to be held though.

But I knew going out each night worried him.

It only made things worse coming back one day looking awful. Completely awful.

I was more focused on not leaving a trail of blood then paying attention to my physical state.

I opened the door and collapsed. Hide ran over and tried tending to me. I tried to keep myself together downing as much coffee as possible.

Hide had looked at me with a weary face. What I heard next I never had expected him to say, but, he insisted I should feed off of him. I quickly responded with a no saying I'd be fine but when he sat next to me on the floor holding out his arm I knew he was serious.

It wasn't okay, but I did it anyways.

I could hear him make a sound of pain as i had bit into his skin but he reassured me by ruffling my hair with his other hand and repeating "It's okay Kaneki. It's okay."

I couldn't help but tear up at this. When I was done I had tears staining my cheeks. Hide wrapped his arm in a towel and sat by me wiping away my tears. "It's fine Kaneki. I'm okay, I'm not hurt. " he had said to me. I couldn't stop though.

I never wanted to do that.

And I never would again.

After that night whenever I saw Hide's arm with a bandage, or after when it scarred, I couldn't help but feel awful.

How could I have been so weak for it to get to that?

And I never was able to be stronger for Hide.

A month after all that, Hide had already been well back into his work at CCG and I was still doing as I did each night.

But this one night was different.

It was an all out war between some groups of ghouls and CCG. But I wasn't apart of all that, I acted on my own.

Most of it is a blur now to me. I remember finding out, somehow, Hide had been there. Things were so bad already and hearing that made it even worse. At that instant my next move was to find Hide. I could just feel, something wasn't right.

I can't even remember when or how I found him, but I did. One thing I can never forget that thick scent blood there was. I was so messed up and confused I only thought it was mine.

I was wrong.

I had passed out, it was only an hour or so but it felt like weeks. I finally had my head back together and suddenly everything hit me. But more importantly, that blood was not from me. I clearly saw Hide now, in front of me. He had a awful slash through his stomach, yet he still looked at me and smiled. As if everything was okay.

I could tell it wasn't.

I had ran to Hide and held him. I knew he was struggling to stand because when I held him, he collapsed right there.

One single tear fell from my left eye.

I couldn't start bawling right then and there because then I wouldn't of been able to see and care to Hide.

Even lying on my lap he looked up at me smiling. He brought one hand up to brush a stray hair out of my face.

It was hard for us both to say anything, so our touch had been all we could use to converse.

Until, the last few words I heard him say to me. He started off by saying to me, "I love you Kaneki. I always have and always will." At which I immediately stuttered back, "I-i love you too H-Hide."

This time he used all his strength left to sit up and look at me directly with the brightest smile ever, I can never forget it. He held one of my hands and cupped my cheek with the other. "Let's go home, Kaneki." He said to me at last.

"Let's go home."

After that I really started to cry. I felt Hide then slump onto my shoulder, but I couldn't see clearly through the tears welled up in my eyes.

Even though, I couldn't stay where we were and so I picked him up and carried him away in my arms.

"Let's go home"

I repeated.

The whole time I carried him I could only think, if only things were simpler.

Maybe if I realized my feelings for Hide earlier, I would've never gone on that date in the first place.

Or maybe if I just left Hide right after realizing I was ghoul. He could still be alive and better off without me.

I walked with him for as long as I could. No one dared to stop me.

I can't even remember what happened after that, nothing seemed important other than the boy in my arms.

I some how made it home, alone.

It was rough without Hide. I let out my distress in awful and violent ways.

I couldn't help myself.

I didn't sleep much after that either. It wasn't the same without Hide next to me. Each night I would stay up and just wish he was there with me. Or at least wish our places were switched. I didn't want to be here. He deserved to.

Hide had been so accepting of me being a ghoul, it hurt knowing that was what killed him.

If only things had happened differently...

If only things were simpler.


End file.
